True Balance Life Coaching

GRRR … ARGH!

Have you ever known a person who is angry all of the time? This sort of “loose cannon” can be amusing for a bit, until you realize how draining their dramatic sideshow can be. I refer to these riled up, angry people as Energy Vampires.

On the flip side, have you ever known anyone who never demonstrates their anger? This sort of person may be even more dangerous on a cellular level. Often we are taught to sweep anger under the rug and put a smile on our face. This sort of programming can lead to passive aggressive behavior and can undermine personal joy and destroy relationships.

Energy Vampires will take any chance they can to drain all of your positive energy while erupting like Mt. Vesuvius. Do you think these vamps have any idea how many people choose to stay away from them based on their dark energy. The sad part of the equation is how many people stay present for these angry shenanigans and then wonder why they feel so low and empty after the tirade is over.

There are countless people in the world who are angry for all of the wrongs they’ve encountered and endured in their lives. People who take on passive aggressive characteristics carry their negative experiences around like over-stuffed pieces of luggage; adding more bags to the pile each day. Their energy is erratic. These people are desperately trying to control the outcome of a situation, while at the same time, internalizing all they are angry about. Picture the surface mask of a smile that is covering up a big pile of anguish.

We all have issues, but we can choose to live life without so much over-the-top and under-the-table aggravation.

Brian Tracy addresses how anger and guilt can destroy us if we let it. Each of us has the capacity to learn how to let go of guilt, anger, and shame. Anger can be a destructive emotion if we allow ourselves to get out of control and remain attached to our agenda and outcome. Hanging on to the venom of destructive feelings can cause dis-ease, trigger depression, and a general sense of malaise.

I often have to remind my life coaching clients that getting angry is natural.  Learning how to manage your anger is a universal gift.

5 tips to help you come to grips with being angry:

• Allow yourself to be ticked off for 15 minutes then take action.

Anger is natural and acceptable emotion for a period of time. Allowing yourself to feel your anger is healthy. The trick is to feel it, work it out, and then take a deep breath and address the situation. How can you take care of what happened? What steps can you take to make things right and move on?

• Address the situation as “a moment in time” and then let it go.

Have you ever looked back on an angry / emotional situation and laughed? The lesson here is understanding you will recover and life will get back on track. Last week I was angry witha customer service representative who forgot “service” was a part of her title. After too many minutes of discomfort, everything was resolved. At that point I had two choices. Let it go or tell everyone I knew about my crappy experience. I chose to move on without burdening my friends and family with my experience.

• Learn to Forgive: Forgiveness is healthy and all about YOU letting go of the baggage.

What a blessing to learn to forgive. Practice forgiveness whenever you can. You will feel better and lighter for having the courage to allow for human weakness. All too often we carry a grudge which only creates bad energy. Why tarnish the memory of a good connection with hostile words and heavy and hurtful negative vibes.

• Take stock in your relationships; words are irreversible and unrepeatable.

Think before you speak.

An old Sufi tradition advises us to speak only after our words have managed to pass through four gates. At the first gate, we ask ourselves, “Are these words true?” If so, we let them pass on; if not, back they go. At the second gate we ask; “Are they necessary?” At the third gate we ask; “Are they beneficial?” and at the fourth gate, we ask, “Are they kind?” If the answer to any of these is no, then what you are about to say should be left unsaid.

“Know that a word suddenly shot from the tongue is like an arrow shot from the bow. That arrow won’t turn back on its way; you must damn the torrent at its source.”– Rumi

• Walk away from Energy Vampires and Passive Aggressives

Unless you have some sort of super powered protective force field, do yourself a favor and walk away from people who suck up all of your positive energy. If you can’t get away, I suggest infusing some positive energy into the encounter. Energy Vampires and Passive Aggressives will be defused by your positive energy and will move on to the next willing victim.

Follow these simple steps and you will open yourself up to an emotionally healthy way of living.

1. How do you dance with anger?
2. What tips can you share to help someone who is pretending to be happy?
3. What have you learned about diffusing the anger of an Energy Vampire?

Recently I have been thinking a lot about the difference between high expectations and open invitations.

The definition of an Expectation is:

“A strong belief that something will happen in the future.”

The definition of an Invitation is:

“The action of inviting someone to go somewhere or do something.” This someone can be yourself.

When you combine the two you can see that you now have “The action of inviting someone to go somewhere or do something that will happen in the future.”  You are now inviting someone to support you in the pursuit of your current project, with the complete understanding that  an honorable agreement translates to showing up to the best of their (your) ability.

Many of the powerful executive women drawn to my life coaching business have uber high expectations of themselves and others. Toss is a heaping cup of impatience and a dollop of determination, they often find themselves creating a recipe for disaster. Often disappointed in themselves and others for the lack of a perfect outcome the recipe ends up in the rubbish.

I get it. Requiring people and things to bend to my will is something I can relate to.

When you set the bar of your expectations as high as the heavens , your ego can eliminate those who are not worthy. This becomes an interesting way to get lost in an abyss of discomfort and disappointment. Expectations of perfection breeds insecurity in ourselves and can lead to blaming others for not stepping up to the mark.

Over achievers often find themselves in this quandary. Can you relate?

When you replace your expectations with invitations , you can support yourself and your circle of influence to show up in the best light.

Think about how you might change your language to be supportive and encouraging.

To Your Friends

I invite you to be mindful, honest and reciprocate loving kindness.

To Your Employees

I invite you to be present, focused and get the job done to the best of your ability.

To Your Clients

I invite you to show up and communicate clearly that which you wish to discover.

To Yourself

I invite my self to be patient whilst I make incremental improvements in my relationship with myself and others.

Snapping your fingers and expecting your every wish come true is ridiculous. Even Veruca Salt’s character in Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory eventually got her due when she was measured a bad egg after years of demanding that she get every thing she wanted. I can here Veruca saying “Daddy, if I don’t get what I want, I will make your life a living hell. How dare you ignore my expectations of you!” Spoiled Rotten Behavior.

Offering open invitations instead of demanding unrealistic expectations may be a healthier place to operate from.

Admittedly, I love getting my way. I love winning. I love to be loved. I love to be in concert with brilliant people. Who doesn’t?

The difference for me now is that I choose to show up with an offering and can live with being denied. After all, it’s not ALL about me. It is about knowing what I wish to create and inviting my peers and my big S self to show up.

• What would happen if you replaced your expectations with invitations?

• How have you been burned by expecting yourself to be perfect?

• How does being extremely hard on yourself play out for you?

• Have you ever expected too much of your loved ones, employees or co-workers? How did that work out for you?

“Action cures fear, inaction creates terror.” -Douglas Horton

I trust you will enjoy this article written by the brilliant Thomas Leonard, recognized by many as the father of life coaching.

Most of us realize that when it comes to achieving the results we seek in our lives, taking action is better than putting things off.  It only makes sense, yet we all struggle with some degree of procrastination at times.

A Professional Life Coach can help you see the insidious nature of procrastination and the enormous impact it has on your life. Furthermore, your coach can hold you accountable as you work to overcome this obstacle to action and future results. Your Life Coach will help you see the costs of procrastination allowing you to uncover and eliminate self-limiting behaviors.

What are the Costs of Procrastination?

• Powerlessness and lack of inner strength
• Poor self confidence and low self esteem
• Guilt and worry
• Undermined trust in yourself
• People will tend not to rely on you or trust you
• People won’t ask you to do great things because they don’t think you’re up to it (they usually can read this from your own unspoken self-image)
• Limited ability to achieve results
• Low self-respect and behaviors in your life that reflect that (e.g., won’t look after yourself as well, impacting health, grooming, continuing education, etc.)
• Integrity in all areas of your life will be low
• Your life will be nothing more than mediocre

What are some of the “Benefits” of this behavior?

• You avoid taking risks
• You have excuses for not achieving things
• You remain in your “comfort zone”
• You continue to have something to complain about

Can you end Procrastination?

Becoming aware of your situation and taking action is one of the essential behaviors of extraordinary people. Being “in action” enables you to be highly productive and effective and to inspire those around you.  It builds your self-esteem and you get to discover and overcome what you are afraid of because you’re confronting it all the time.  However, it does take courage, discipline and integrity. To be in action you need to be impeccable with your word. This means being honest with yourself, to always do what you say you’re going to do. Your Life Coach will support you with this. The path to action is to choose awareness in every moment of our lives.  When you ask yourself “will I or won’t I” the answer is always yes. Even if the question is “will I wait?” Choose consciously, choose powerfully and remember, action cures fear!

Coaching Contemplation:

How do you manage bouts with procrastination?

Do you have a success story about moving through your fear to take action?