True Balance

The message in this article is incredible. Thanks to Mike Robbins for letting me share it with the True Balance Community. Enjoy!

Vulnerable Leadership

Vulnerable and leadership are not usually two words or concepts we put together.  Most of us, myself included, have been taught that to be a “good leader” we have to be strong, convicted, and confident. “Never let ‘em see you sweat,” we’ve been told.

However, I believe it’s time for those of us who want to inspire, motivate, and lead others to step into our role as a leader with transparency, honesty, and vulnerability.  As Mother Teresa said, “Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.  Be honest and transparent anyway.”

Some of us have specific leadership roles in life - we manage other people in our job, we’re the head of a company, team, committee, or organization, we’re involved in school or community activities where our job is to lead others, we write, speak, or coach other people about taking their lives to the next level, and much more.

And, even if we don’t hold a specific position of leadership in what we do, just about all of us have the opportunity to be leaders in various ways.  In our families, with our friends, in our community, and in our work - we have the ability to influence others in a positive way and many of us have a deep deep desire to impact those around us.

What if instead of obsessing about being smart, qualified, strong, powerful, innovative, creative, and other conventional leadership qualities - we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable as a way of freeing us up from the intense pressure we often feel as leaders and as a way to influence people in an authentic way.

While it may seem counter-intuitive and can sometimes be a little scary, being a vulnerable leader is what I think is needed (and often missing) in our businesses, schools, churches, communities, governments, and our world today.

Here are some key principles of vulnerable leadership:

1) Admit and own your mistakes - We all make mistakes, especially as leaders.  The more willing we are to admit and own our mistakes (not make excuses, point fingers, or avoid responsibility) the more others will trust us and want to follow our lead.  Taking responsibility, apologizing, and making amends for the mistakes we make are not always easy things to do, but they’re essential for us to have true credibility with the people around us.

2) Share your fear and insecurity - Fear and insecurity are inseparable from being human and being a leader.  We all get scared, but too often deny or avoid it, so as not to look weak.  However, admitting our fear and sharing it with others does a few important things.  First of all, it can free us up from the fear itself.  Second of all, it allows others to realize we’re human.  Third, it gives the people around us permission to feel and express their own fear, which is essential for individuals and groups if they’re going to come together and move through adversity.  Sharing our fears with others is not something we do to make excuses or to dump our “stuff” onto other people, it’s a bold act of vulnerable leadership and something that can have a profound impact on those around us.

3) Don’t take yourself too seriously - It’s important for us to have a sense of humor and not get too full of ourselves, which is something many of us do, particularly as a leader. As I jokingly say to my wife Michelle sometimes, “Do you have any idea how important I think I am?” We must laugh at ourselves, notice when we get too serious, and have enough self awareness to keep things in a healthy perspective.

4) Share your own process, journey, and challenges - We’re always going through a process of growth, discovery, and challenge in life - especially as leaders.  This process doesn’t have to be difficult or painful, although sometimes it can be.  The more transparent we are about our own process and the more willing we are to let the people around us know what we’re dealing with, learning, and challenged by - the more we let them know who we truly are, give them insight into how we operate, and create an environment around us that is open, authentic, and conducive for individual and collective growth.

5) Ask for and receive help from others - As leaders most of us like to help others, but often we have a difficult time asking for and receiving help. Requesting help can be perceived, especially by us, as an admission of weakness or an acknowledgment that we’re not capable of doing something.  However, all of us need help and support - and in some cases, we need a lot of it.  Being the kind of leader who is comfortable enough with yourself and the people around you to admit when you don’t know something, can’t do something, or simply need help in making something happen, is not a sign of weakness; it’s both a sign of strength and an opportunity to empower others in an authentic way.

How willing are you to be vulnerable in your life?  Where can you expand your capacity for vulnerability, especially as a leader?  Share your thoughts, action ideas, insights, and more here.

Mike Robbins empowers individuals, teams, and organizations to be more productive, appreciative, and successful through his keynotes, seminars, writing, and consulting. He is the author of the audio program, The Power of Appreciation, a contributing author of Chicken Soup for the Single Parent’s Soul, the author of the best selling book, Focus on the Good Stuff (Hardcover, Jossey-Bass/Wiley) and the forthcoming book, Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Hardcover, Jossey-Bass/Wiley, April 2009).

Mike has been featured in Forbes, on the Oprah and Friends radio network, and on ABC News. He is a member of the National Speakers Association (NSA) and is a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP), NSA’s highest earned designation. Mike lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife Michelle and their daughter Samantha.

Learn more about Mike and sign up for his free newsletter at www.Mike-Robbins.com

(Reprinted with Permission © Copyright 2008 Mike Robbins)

“Trying to push away our emotional distress can throw us into “cognitive shock” that turns our mind into a muddle.”

- Ezra Bayda

I recently read a great article by Ezra Bayda and simply had to share it with you.

The message in this piece is that it is absolutely fundamental for us to realize that difficult situations and feelings are our opportunity to awaken into a more genuine way of being.  No matter how much we try to avoid things that are unpleasant, we simply must experience the darkness in order to live in the light.

Here are five  questions to cut through anxiety and emotional distress and help you remove your self-imposed prison walls and move forward on your path of clarity.

When your energy is dark and frantic,  ask yourself five key questions:

1. What is going on Right Now?

- Honestly acknowledge the situation you are experiencing. Define your experience from a place of greater height. How does the situation look if you gently rise up above it, changing your perspective by looking at the issue from a macro point of view.

2. Can I see this as My Path?

-Difficult situations help us see our true path and how we can help ourselves and others. Will this experience inform your future? How can you use life’s letdowns as a guide or path to understanding?

3. What is my most Believed Thought

- Take a snapshot of your mind and uncover your deep-seated beliefs. What thoughts continue to surface for you?  Ezra describes this as taking a snapshot of your mind. This inquiry will help you uncover limiting thoughts that you may have been carrying around for years.

4. What is This?

- Be still and ask the question, What is this? Then notice how you feel. Check in with your physical being; face, chest, stomach, posture.  When I find myself triggered, I notice a tightness of breath and a heightened skin-crawling electrical current. Fight or fight kicks in gear. Thankfully, I am learning how to be with the emotion and witness my physical energy.

5. Can I let this Experience Just Be?

- It’s more painful to try to push what you are feeling away to comfort yourself than it is to BE with the experience, learn from the experience and let it pass. This is the quickest way to release the hook of the trigger.

Ezra reminds us that these questions are just pointers to help us understand the bigger picture and uncover the core of our self-imposed anger, fear and confusion.

• How have learned to release the hook of an emotional trigger?

• Do you have a story about being with your discomfort? What happened?

Read the entire article in the July issue of Shambhala Sun.

The month of July has been insane!  Launching my new book, coaching, kayaking, hiking, beach days, and Friday romps with my daughter has made for an extraordinarily busy time.  Being in tune with the warm weather, ever changing blooms, and angel painted skies is a summer blessing. With that being said, I am noticing that I still need to create some additional ME time.  Loads of summer activities tend to kick my butt if I’m not making space to sink in and also enjoy the ‘living is easy’ part of summertime. Just last week I was only a few steps away from falling in the brink!

How are you caring for yourself this summer?

Are you allowing for some time to take a breath?

You Deserve to take better care of  yourself…

Living a vibrant, luscious life is about creating opportunities for pleasure, relaxation and self-exploration.  It’s about knowing who you are and expressing your unique gifts in the world through gratitude, passion, connection and abundance.  You cannot experience a luscious life when your well is dry.

The first step to this journey of caring for yourself is to commit to making one small change,  and experiencing what kind of impact your healthy choice can have on your life.

Check out thee five simple ideas designed to help you take better care of yourself this summer:

Carve out some ‘YOU’ time.  Everyone needs time alone to be peaceful and recharge. Start with 2-5 minutes for silent reflection. Be LAZY! Read a few pages in a novel, take a walk, make a yummy new recipe. It really doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it’s all about YOU!

Creative exploration. Enjoy the experience of creation. Paint, sculpt, cook, garden, play! While you are in the midst of luscious creation, I dare you to make a big fat mess!

Get it down in writing.  Self expression through journaling is a marvelous tool for clearing your mind. It’s a blast to witness and record your thoughts as they hop around the page like a juiced up water bug on the river.

Joy Spotting. Witness and log all of your joyful moments.  Each summer day has potential for many small moments that bring joy and happiness. My family shares five “happy moments” each night at the dinner table. We’ve found this is an excellent way to stay positive and learn more about each other.

Move your body. When we are caught up in crossing items off our to-do lists, we can tend to neglect nurturing and exercising our healthy bodies. Whether you dance, walk, run or ride, your body and spirit will thank you for the gift. Get up and move your body!