True Balance Life Coaching

Dalai Lama

 

At the start of the new millennium the Dalai Lama shared eighteen divine rules for living in harmony. Have you read them yet? Check it out.

• Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
• When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
• Follow the three Rs: Respect for self - Respect for others - Responsibility for all your actions.
• Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
• Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
• Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
• When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
• Spend some time alone every day.
• Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
• A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
• In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
• Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
• Be gentle with the earth.
• Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
• Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
• Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I think you will agree this manifesto is spot on! I encourage you to copy the list and display it in your home or office for daily inspiration.

Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away. -Barbara De Angelis

Autumn is my favorite time of year in northern Michigan. The air is cool and crisp. Lake Michigan’s black water along with the colorful forest canopy show sure signs of the seasonal shift. My T-shirts and shorts have been replaced with blue jeans and sweatshirts. My senses are filled with the rustic smell of campfires and the sweet crunchy goodness of Honeycrisp apples and warm banana bread.

Right now is the perfect moment to honor your inner cave woman. If you are a man I suspect you are well-versed in cave time. =) You owe it to yourself to sit with all you’ve accomplished personally, professionally and spiritually this year. Give yourself credit for where you are right now. In this moment. Breathe. Pause. Smile. Then you can get your affairs in order for the rest of the year.

The autumnal equinox brings climate change and significant energetic shifts in our routines. Many of us are  supporting our children while they transition back to early mornings, school days, homework and extra curricular activities. Business picks up this time of year and holiday preparations are just around the bend. All of this change can contribute to anxiety and stress.

Here are a few ideas to help you remain centered and peaceful.

Allow for Rich and Meaningful Alone Time

How much time do you allow for quiet contemplation? Reading? Perhaps soaking up the sweetness of an afternoon nap? As you move toward the winter months in the Midwest and Northeast, creating spaciousness in your calendar is a recipe for life-balance. If you are like me you will go stark raving mad without some cave-time to recharge and be still.

Change Things up in Your Environment

Is your environment a bit stale? Often the simple act of rearranging your office space or living space will give you an energetic pick-me-up. It’s fun to move pictures, furniture and prized possessions to new locations. Invigorate your senses with a new candle or incense. I love simmering mulling spices this time of year.

Declare How You Want the Rest of the Year to Unfold

With a little more than 3 months left in 2011, it’s time to contemplate how you’d like your life to unfold before the holidays.  Which projects, experiences, ideas will you explore? I recommend making time to write or key-in a declaration of sorts. How do you wish the rest of 2011 to play out? Dreaming and planning your road-map alleviates stress and 11th hour decision making.

Alone time, environmental shifts and directional declarations will support you during times of change. You deserve to carve out some time for yourself. No excuses. Honoring your inner cave woman begins now.

Solitude is the salt of personhood. It brings out the authentic flavor of every experience. -May Sarton

GRRR … ARGH!

Have you ever known a person who is angry all of the time? This sort of “loose cannon” can be amusing for a bit, until you realize how draining their dramatic sideshow can be. I refer to these riled up, angry people as Energy Vampires.

On the flip side, have you ever known anyone who never demonstrates their anger? This sort of person may be even more dangerous on a cellular level. Often we are taught to sweep anger under the rug and put a smile on our face. This sort of programming can lead to passive aggressive behavior and can undermine personal joy and destroy relationships.

Energy Vampires will take any chance they can to drain all of your positive energy while erupting like Mt. Vesuvius. Do you think these vamps have any idea how many people choose to stay away from them based on their dark energy. The sad part of the equation is how many people stay present for these angry shenanigans and then wonder why they feel so low and empty after the tirade is over.

There are countless people in the world who are angry for all of the wrongs they’ve encountered and endured in their lives. People who take on passive aggressive characteristics carry their negative experiences around like over-stuffed pieces of luggage; adding more bags to the pile each day. Their energy is erratic. These people are desperately trying to control the outcome of a situation, while at the same time, internalizing all they are angry about. Picture the surface mask of a smile that is covering up a big pile of anguish.

We all have issues, but we can choose to live life without so much over-the-top and under-the-table aggravation.

Brian Tracy addresses how anger and guilt can destroy us if we let it. Each of us has the capacity to learn how to let go of guilt, anger, and shame. Anger can be a destructive emotion if we allow ourselves to get out of control and remain attached to our agenda and outcome. Hanging on to the venom of destructive feelings can cause dis-ease, trigger depression, and a general sense of malaise.

I often have to remind my life coaching clients that getting angry is natural.  Learning how to manage your anger is a universal gift.

5 tips to help you come to grips with being angry:

• Allow yourself to be ticked off for 15 minutes then take action.

Anger is natural and acceptable emotion for a period of time. Allowing yourself to feel your anger is healthy. The trick is to feel it, work it out, and then take a deep breath and address the situation. How can you take care of what happened? What steps can you take to make things right and move on?

• Address the situation as “a moment in time” and then let it go.

Have you ever looked back on an angry / emotional situation and laughed? The lesson here is understanding you will recover and life will get back on track. Last week I was angry witha customer service representative who forgot “service” was a part of her title. After too many minutes of discomfort, everything was resolved. At that point I had two choices. Let it go or tell everyone I knew about my crappy experience. I chose to move on without burdening my friends and family with my experience.

• Learn to Forgive: Forgiveness is healthy and all about YOU letting go of the baggage.

What a blessing to learn to forgive. Practice forgiveness whenever you can. You will feel better and lighter for having the courage to allow for human weakness. All too often we carry a grudge which only creates bad energy. Why tarnish the memory of a good connection with hostile words and heavy and hurtful negative vibes.

• Take stock in your relationships; words are irreversible and unrepeatable.

Think before you speak.

An old Sufi tradition advises us to speak only after our words have managed to pass through four gates. At the first gate, we ask ourselves, “Are these words true?” If so, we let them pass on; if not, back they go. At the second gate we ask; “Are they necessary?” At the third gate we ask; “Are they beneficial?” and at the fourth gate, we ask, “Are they kind?” If the answer to any of these is no, then what you are about to say should be left unsaid.

“Know that a word suddenly shot from the tongue is like an arrow shot from the bow. That arrow won’t turn back on its way; you must damn the torrent at its source.”– Rumi

• Walk away from Energy Vampires and Passive Aggressives

Unless you have some sort of super powered protective force field, do yourself a favor and walk away from people who suck up all of your positive energy. If you can’t get away, I suggest infusing some positive energy into the encounter. Energy Vampires and Passive Aggressives will be defused by your positive energy and will move on to the next willing victim.

Follow these simple steps and you will open yourself up to an emotionally healthy way of living.

1. How do you dance with anger?
2. What tips can you share to help someone who is pretending to be happy?
3. What have you learned about diffusing the anger of an Energy Vampire?