True Balance Life Coaching

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In Balance -Shann

GRRR … ARGH!

Have you ever known a person who is angry all of the time? This sort of “loose cannon” can be amusing for a bit, until you realize how draining their dramatic sideshow can be. I refer to these riled up, angry people as Energy Vampires.

On the flip side, have you ever known anyone who never demonstrates their anger? This sort of person may be even more dangerous on a cellular level. Often we are taught to sweep anger under the rug and put a smile on our face. This sort of programming can lead to passive aggressive behavior and can undermine personal joy and destroy relationships.

Energy Vampires will take any chance they can to drain all of your positive energy while erupting like Mt. Vesuvius. Do you think these vamps have any idea how many people choose to stay away from them based on their dark energy. The sad part of the equation is how many people stay present for these angry shenanigans and then wonder why they feel so low and empty after the tirade is over.

There are countless people in the world who are angry for all of the wrongs they’ve encountered and endured in their lives. People who take on passive aggressive characteristics carry their negative experiences around like over-stuffed pieces of luggage; adding more bags to the pile each day. Their energy is erratic. These people are desperately trying to control the outcome of a situation, while at the same time, internalizing all they are angry about. Picture the surface mask of a smile that is covering up a big pile of anguish.

We all have issues, but we can choose to live life without so much over-the-top and under-the-table aggravation.

Brian Tracy addresses how anger and guilt can destroy us if we let it. Each of us has the capacity to learn how to let go of guilt, anger, and shame. Anger can be a destructive emotion if we allow ourselves to get out of control and remain attached to our agenda and outcome. Hanging on to the venom of destructive feelings can cause dis-ease, trigger depression, and a general sense of malaise.

I often have to remind my life coaching clients that getting angry is natural.  Learning how to manage your anger is a universal gift.

5 tips to help you come to grips with being angry:

• Allow yourself to be ticked off for 15 minutes then take action.

Anger is natural and acceptable emotion for a period of time. Allowing yourself to feel your anger is healthy. The trick is to feel it, work it out, and then take a deep breath and address the situation. How can you take care of what happened? What steps can you take to make things right and move on?

• Address the situation as “a moment in time” and then let it go.

Have you ever looked back on an angry / emotional situation and laughed? The lesson here is understanding you will recover and life will get back on track. Last week I was angry witha customer service representative who forgot “service” was a part of her title. After too many minutes of discomfort, everything was resolved. At that point I had two choices. Let it go or tell everyone I knew about my crappy experience. I chose to move on without burdening my friends and family with my experience.

• Learn to Forgive: Forgiveness is healthy and all about YOU letting go of the baggage.

What a blessing to learn to forgive. Practice forgiveness whenever you can. You will feel better and lighter for having the courage to allow for human weakness. All too often we carry a grudge which only creates bad energy. Why tarnish the memory of a good connection with hostile words and heavy and hurtful negative vibes.

• Take stock in your relationships; words are irreversible and unrepeatable.

Think before you speak.

An old Sufi tradition advises us to speak only after our words have managed to pass through four gates. At the first gate, we ask ourselves, “Are these words true?” If so, we let them pass on; if not, back they go. At the second gate we ask; “Are they necessary?” At the third gate we ask; “Are they beneficial?” and at the fourth gate, we ask, “Are they kind?” If the answer to any of these is no, then what you are about to say should be left unsaid.

“Know that a word suddenly shot from the tongue is like an arrow shot from the bow. That arrow won’t turn back on its way; you must damn the torrent at its source.”– Rumi

• Walk away from Energy Vampires and Passive Aggressives

Unless you have some sort of super powered protective force field, do yourself a favor and walk away from people who suck up all of your positive energy. If you can’t get away, I suggest infusing some positive energy into the encounter. Energy Vampires and Passive Aggressives will be defused by your positive energy and will move on to the next willing victim.

Follow these simple steps and you will open yourself up to an emotionally healthy way of living.

1. How do you dance with anger?
2. What tips can you share to help someone who is pretending to be happy?
3. What have you learned about diffusing the anger of an Energy Vampire?